Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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