Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
