How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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