I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
