You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
