he shaved USA in his pubs
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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