Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the day after is always just damage control
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize