dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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