Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
