i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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