hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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