I accidentally had phone sex last night
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
