I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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