I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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