Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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