Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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