its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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