i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
