just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
