your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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