You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize