I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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