Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
