I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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