Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
