i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
