Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
