if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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