very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
