If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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