I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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