He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Damn victory sex feels great
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
