you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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