how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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