Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
