Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
