Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
