Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
