Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
