Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize