last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
