He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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