he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
