Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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