So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
