I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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