dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
