new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
