dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
