And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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