Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
