I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
