my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
