hell yes lets make some ravioli
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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