I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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