I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
