I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
