His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
MIDGETS
????
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
