im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
