I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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