I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize