ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
