you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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