ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
