garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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