I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
