you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
