Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
