I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize