And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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