I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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